Developing Resilience
There is no way to prevent a child from experiencing the stress that accompanies any kind of change – good or bad, but parents can help a child develop the qualities that allow them to respond in the most positive, healthy ways to the life changes they experience. Psychologists call this cluster of qualities resilience. Robert Brooks, PhD and Sam Goldstein, PhD suggest ten ways parents can support their children in developing or strengthening their resilience.

• Be empathetic.
• Communicate effectively. Listen actively.
• Change “negative scripts”.
• Love children in ways that help them feel special and appreciated.
• Accept your children for who they are and help them set realistic, achievable goals.
• Help your children experience success by identifying and reinforcing their “islands of competence.”
• Help children recognize that mistakes are experiences from which to learn.
• Support children in developing responsibility, compassion and a social conscience by providing them with opportunities to contribute.
• Teach children to solve problems and make decisions.
• Discipline your children in a way that promotes self-discipline and self-worth.

Read the entire article titled “10 Ways to Make Your Child More Resilient” at http://www.familytlc.net/resilient_children_preteen.html.

Helping Children Deal with Change (http://www.georgia4h.org/omk/edresources/KidsAndChange.pdf) suggests that “how your child adapts to change will depend on his temperament, personality, and your family’s circumstances. During times of change your child may be:

• clingy
• moody or irritable
• angry
• sad
• anxious
• afraid
• less sociable than usual”

Here are some ways the article suggests you can help your child prepare for and handle change:

• Do what you can to be available during times of transition and change.
• Talk about the change.
• Acknowledge your child’s worries and fears.
• If at all possible help your child prepare for the move to a new school or town by making arrangements to visit before their first day of school or before the move.
• Wherever possible involve your child in decisions about the change.
• Help your child mark the change in some special way.
• Maintain family routines
• Try to keep other changes in your child’s life to a minimum during times of transition.
• Expect that a child who had difficulty in the past with transitions may need extra support during times of change.
• Talk with your child’s teacher or child care provider about changes going on in your family life.
• Make sure your child eats well, gets plenty of exercise, and gets enough sleep.
• Encourage your child to write about worries in a journal.
• Show your child the positive ways that you handle change.
• Have a positive attitude.

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