Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.
DEUTERONOMY 6: 6-8

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Anger is like the mercury in a thermometer. When left unchecked the intensity of the emotion increases from frustration to anger and then to other things like rage and bitterness. As the intensity builds, people shut themselves off from others and relationships close down. Having a plan to deal with anger can limit the intensity and prevent much of the destruction anger tends to cause...Read more

Teachers can help children deal with anger by guiding their understanding and management of this emotion. The practices described here can help children understand and manage angry feelings in a direct and non-aggressive way.

Create a Safe Emotional Climate. A healthy early childhood setting permits children to acknowledge all feelings, pleasant and unpleasant, and does not shame anger. Healthy classroom systems have clear, firm, and flexible boundaries.

Model Responsible Anger Management. Children have an impaired ability to understand emotion when adults show a lot of anger (Denham, Zoller, & Couchoud, 1994). Adults who are most effective in helping children manage anger model responsible management by acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for their own angry feelings and by expressing anger in direct and non-aggressive ways.

Help Children Develop Self-Regulatory Skills. Teachers of infants and toddlers do a lot of self-regulation "work," realizing that the children in their care have a very limited ability to regulate their own emotions. As children get older, adults can gradually transfer control of the self to children, so that they can develop self-regulatory skills.

Encourage Children to Label Feelings of Anger. Teachers and parents can help young children produce a label for their anger by teaching them that they are having a feeling and that they can use a word to describe their angry feeling. A permanent record (a book or chart) can be made of lists of labels for anger (e.g., mad, irritated, annoyed), and the class can refer to it when discussing angry feelings.

Encourage Children to Talk About Anger-Arousing Interactions. Preschool children better understand anger and other emotions when adults explain emotions (Denham, Zoller, &Couchoud, 1994). When children are embroiled in an anger-arousing interaction, teachers can help by listening without judging, evaluating, or ordering them to feel differently.

Use Books and Stories about Anger to Help Children Understand and Manage Anger. Well-presented stories about anger and other emotions validate children's feelings and give information about anger (Jalongo, 1986; Marion, 1995). It is important to preview all books about anger because some stories teach irresponsible anger management.

[Excerpt from Athealth.com]

Apologizing may bruise our dignity and pride. That is what makes it so difficult for children (and adults). But if we teach our children to apologize in meaningful ways, we can keep minor squabbles from escalating into major conflicts. Use these tips from social worker, Susan Nichter, to help your child learn to apologize in a meaningful way.

We want children to be able to learn from their mistakes and figure out what they will do differently next time. One way to achieve this goal is to have children apologize using three complete sentences.

1. The first sentence should describe what the child did or said that was wrong.
2. The second sentence explains why it was wrong.
3. The third sentence asks for forgiveness.

An example would be, “I said words to you that were mean and unkind. It was wrong because I hurt your feelings. Will you forgive me?”

Using the guideline of three sentences will help children think and express themselves better. This approach is much more effective than a muttered, “I’m sorry.”

Adapted with permission from Susan Nichter, LSW, of Greenfield, IN.
To find out more about how to help children to take responsibility for their own actions, contact
snichter@gcsc.k12.in.us.

From Willkids.org

"I didn't do anything!" "It's not my fault!" "Say you're sorry!"..Read more

Your preschooler whacks her playmate but doesn't think to say she's sorry, even when her pal starts crying. So does this mean you're raising a psycho? Not at all -- she's a normal preschooler who doesn't realize that other people have feelings, too. "Because preschoolers are still egocentric, they don't fully understand that their behavior can hurt another person," says Michele Nealon-Woods, a psychologist in Los Angeles.

Teaching the art of apology helps younger children realize what it's like to stand in someone else's shoes -- empathy, in other words. Some easy ways to go about this:

• Set a good example. When you owe your child an apology, look at her eye to eye and keep a serious expression on your face. This will get her attention and emphasize the importance of what you're saying, and she may begin to imitate you when she upsets someone.

• Put her feelings into words. Offer a guess about how she felt when you lost your cool and snapped at her ("You were probably scared when I yelled at you"). By considering her emotions, you're demonstrating empathy.
• Ask for specifics. If she needs to apologize, have her say what she's sorry about and why ("I hit Wally, and that made him sad"). She'll start to see cause and effect and realize that her actions can actually have a negative impact on people.

From Parenting.com

• Calming the Family Storm: Anger Management for Moms, Dads, and All the Kids by Gary D. McKay and Steven A. Maybell
  
• Dealing with Disappointment by Elizabeth Crary, M.S.
• Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve  by Lewis B. Smedes
• Grounded for Life?! by Louise Felton Tracy, M.S.
• Taking “No” for an Answer and Other Skills Children Need by Laurie Simons, M.A.
• The Art of Forgiving  by Lewis B. Smedes
• What Angry Kids Need by Jennifer Anne Brown, M.S.W. and Pam Provonsha Hopkins, M.S.W.
  

• Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
• Could Be Worse by James Stevenson
• Dinofours, I’m Sorry! I’m Sorry! by Steve Metzger
• Harriet, You’ll  Drive Me Wild by Mem Fox
• Hot Stones and Funny Bones by Seaward [for teens]
• Hot Stuff to Help Kids Chill Out: The Anger Management Book by Jerry Wilde
• How about a Hug? by Nancy Carlson
• How to Take the GRRRR Out of Anger by Verdick
• Liam Says "Sorry": Repairing an Encounter Gone Sour by Jane Whelen Banks
• Mean Soup by  Betsy Everitt
• I Am Sorry by Kelly Doudna
• I’m Sorry by Janine Amos
• I’m Sorry by Sam McBratney
• What About Me? by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D.
• What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger by Dawn Huebner and Bonnie Matthews