Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.

DEUTERONOMY 6: 6-8

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This A to Z Guide to Manners and Etiquette originated as a consequence of our despair at the deplorable behaviour we were witnessing in every public situation that we found ourselves.

Bad examples were being set at every level of society from sports stars to TV personalities; professional people to trades people; politicians to public servants. But most especially by us parents.

In time we came to express our views on other matters of community interest and concern as well. You might find some of this of interest to you too (smile). Our visitors have been valuable contributors to the views expressed on these pages. This is an active site, it is growing all the time and with your help it will become even more relevant to our community.

This simple, straightforward easy to read guide to community matters, manners and etiquette will help us to learn the basics in order to live in harmony and socialise future generations. Please bookmark this site for frequent reference: a-to-z-of-manners-and-etiquette.com

Use the alphabetical index to zoom to information and help on the topics ranging from Kids Manners to Wedding Etiquette; from Telephone and Business Etiquette to Neighbourhood Etiquette and much more.

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Manners and etiquette for children is ranked as the most important quality to nurture in the family home. Instilling good manners in some teens will feel like an almost impossible task. But don't despair, just keep at it. You will be surprised how much of your pushing and nagging about being well mannered stays with them. Good Manners are essential for every child's self confidence and success in life.

In the family home - this is where it starts, where the 'manners seed' is planted and nurtured. This is where your children learn not only good manners, but also core values and ethics. This is the haven where your children learn to be considerate, tolerant and respectful. They learn to share and to respect the space of all other family members. This is the place where your children put into practice the foundation of all the social etiquette they will need to carry them through life.

Let's start with respect. Respecting a person's privacy is very important. In the family home this is one of the most important rules. Parents, teenagers and even the little ones - all deserve a degree of privacy. All deserve utmost respect.

Most of these 'good manners and etiquette for children' pointers below apply to both parents and children - remember you have to practice what you preach:.
1. If the door is closed, it is respectful and good manners to knock and wait for permission to enter.

2. If you want to borrow something, don't just help yourself, always ask permission and make sure you return whatever it is you borrow. Make sure you return it in the same or better condition.

3. Never go looking through another person's private possessions without their permission, that is extremely bad mannered. I know it is very tempting to read your sister's diary and love letters, but restrain yourself, that is very private and you wouldn't like someone to do that to you.

Your family's affairs are private and should be kept that way. If mum and dad have an argument or the business is not doing well, or your brother is not doing well at school, it has nothing to do with outsiders.

However, if a family member is being abused in any way, that is different and someone in a position of authority should be told.

4. Another rule in the book of manners and etiquette for children is you should not expect anyone to clean up after you. Leave the bathroom, toilet, kitchen and TV room clean and tidy, don't leave your dirty dishes around the house.

Your wet towels or dirty dishes are your responsibility. If you share a bedroom, then share the responsibility of keeping it clean and tidy.

5. We'll repeat, practicing the art of good manners and etiquette starts in the home, let your parental guidance follow through to school and the sports field. For example, if the children are playing a board game at home, the loser needs to learn to accept that in good grace. If on a sports field, they need to know it is good etiquette to thank the opposing team, shake hands and say, "Well done!"

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by James P. Krehbiel / Copyright © www.familyresource.com

Have you ever had someone cut in front of you in line? How about letting the door slam on you when you are entering a restaurant? What about children screaming in a store because they want something they can't have? Or parents leaving their grocery cart in a parking lane rather than returning it to the cart return? These are obvious examples of incivility.

As parents, we focus a significant deal of attention with our children on school work and social activities. We spend far less time teaching, coaching, and encouraging our children to be sensitive, caring and concerned about the needs of others.

We need to teach our children to be supportive of others, regardless of one's socio-economic status, behavioral idiosyncrasies or learning deficits. Many children feel the need to elevate themselves by taunting other kids who do not meet their social standards as friends. Hurtful bullying, teasing and gossiping may become a pattern for children who lack the skills of civility.

The most important skills we can teach our children are how to respect, value, and support other children, especially those who are different from their lifestyle, cultural or religious background, social characteristics, or learning style. Our children need to learn from us to be inclusive in their social relationships, not exclusive.

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By Tom Atwood / Connect with Kids Network ©2006 CWK Network, Inc., Inc. All rights reserved.

Whatever happened to being a good sport? Today’s new stories are flooded with examples of bad sportsmanship – from the professional level to youth leagues. Sports Parents magazine cites two recent cases to make the headlines:

• In New Mexico, a referee ejected a high school football player from a game for demonstrating unsportsmanlike conduct. The player retaliated by charging the referee and knocking him unconscious.
• A Massachusetts hockey league for 10-year-olds banned post-game handshakes because players demonstrated rough behavior as they shook hands.

Why are so many athletes bad sports? Psychologists say one reason is the prevailing attitude in our culture to “win at all costs.” But there are steps that parents can take to instill good sportsmanship in their children. They can begin by explaining to their children what sportsmanship is and why it is so important. The National Federation of State High School Associations defines sportsmanship through qualities and behaviors, some of which are listed below, that are characterized by “generosity and genuine concern for others”:

• Play fair, take loss or defeat without complaint and accept victory without gloating.
• Treat others as you wish to be treated.
• Respect others and yourself.
• Impose self-control, be courteous and gracefully accept the results of your actions.
• Display ethical behavior by being good (character) and doing what’s right (action).
• Be a good citizen.

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Children’s books are primarily for entertainment and enjoyment. They can also be an important teaching tool for a parent and can lend themselves to good family discussions and the support of critical thinking. Occasionally, while reading to your child, look beyond just the pure enjoyment of the story to the possible lesson that could be learned. Questions that can be used for any story include:

• If you were in this story, who would you be?
• What is your favorite part of this story?
• If you could change the story, what would you change?
•What might a different ending be?
• What do you think we should remember from this story?

One caution: do not over-engage the child into always having to think of the meaning. Some stories are to be read just for the joy of reading. If you are using it for discussion, only ask a few questions---about as many as the child is old.

Our focus for the month of July is on civility and manners: If everyone followed the Golden Rule, “do unto others what you would have them do unto you”, our world would be a better place. Teaching our children manners and social graces is basically helping our children to be courteous, kind, and respectful of others. Often in today’s society etiquette is not considered to be important. However, the word “etiquette” is actually a French word that means “little signs” that has come to mean all the little signs that help us know what to do in different situations. When we influence our children to use these good behaviors, their life will be rewarded and so will ours.

A good lift-the-flap book that introduces the toddler or Pre-K child to table manners is Mind Your Manners, Ben Bunny by Mavis Smith. As Ben Bunny shares a meal with his friends, he sees some not so good behavior and learns the better ways to act at the table. If you want your young child to begin to use those special words like “please” and “excuse me”, be sure to read Karen Katz’s Little Book on Manners. As your child approaches kindergarten, these phrases become part of their regular vocabulary and they begin to understand the concept of using good manners. Be Polite and Kind by Cheri J. Meiners also reinforces the use of good words. A young non-reader can “read” this story just by looking at the people in the pictures and studying their expressions. The illustrations depict common everyday situations such as taking turns, receiving gifts, or embarrassing situations that require polite responses. This book has several reinforcement activities listed at the back, including diagrams of sign language for respectful words. A discussion with your young child might include:
1. Name some magic words to use when we want to be kind to others.
2. How do you think we can be sure we are always being kind and polite to others? 3. Let’s try to use sign language to “say” these words.
4. What are some of the better behaviors we can use at the dinner table or in other situations?

Kindergarten and early elementary aged children, especially boys, will like What Do You Do, Dear? by Sesyle Joslin. This book is delightfully illustrated by Maurice Sendak and captures the imagination in humorous ways. Another entertaining selection in this age bracket is Please Is a Good Word to Say by Barbara Joosse. Parents will especially appreciate the first example which deals with whining. Young girls will identify with Harriet who shares her many good words and good advice. Children ages six to ten will enjoy reading Everyday Graces: A Child’s Book of Good Manners by Karen Santorum. This is a lively collection of poems and stories, written by a wide variety of authors, with a fresh approach to what some may possibly consider a boring topic. A good resource for boys is A Little Book of Manners for Boys by Bob Barnes. Boys often seek respect in the wrong way. This book will help them get along with others in a positive way, showing that they don’t have to use tough talk and rude behavior to gain respect among their peers. There is also an accompanying book by Emilee Barnes, A Little Book of Manners for Girls: Courtesy & Kindness for Young Ladies.

A discussion following any of these books might include:
1. What do you think it means to use good manners?
2. Can you give me some examples of ways you have been polite?
3. What activities at home might be improved by all of us practicing good manners? Let’s make a plan to help us practice them together.
4. What kind of language or situations should you try to avoid? How can I help you?

Older elementary children also can be influenced by books and guides to better manners. OOPS! The Manners Guide for Girls from American Girl Library handles about every situation in which your daughter may find herself. It is divided into sections for easy reference and will capture her attention. American Girl also has A Girl’s Guide to Manners: the Secrets to Grace, Confidence, and Being Your Best which will appeal to the pre-teen. A general reference guide for either boys or girls is The Guide to Good Manners for Kids by Peggy Post and Cindy Post Senning. This all inclusive guide addresses just about any question your child may have on this subject and is well indexed. It is interesting reading and very informative, especially focusing on relationship-building.

Discussion questions might include:
1. Have you found yourself in awkward situations where knowing the proper behavior would have been helpful? What happened? What did you do? What would you do differently this time?
2. What are some of the most important things you learned by reading this book?
3. How can I help you to use some of the things you have learned?
4. What suggestions do you have for our whole family to improve our manners?

A Girl’s Guide to Manners: the Secrets to Grace, Confidence, and Being Your Best From American Girl Library
A Little Book of Manners for Boys: A Game Plan for Getting Along with Others by Bob Barnes, Emilie Barnes and Michal Sparks
A Little Book of Manners for Girls: Courtesy & Kindness for Young Ladies by Emilee Barnes
A Smart Girl's Guide To Manners (American Girl Library) by Nancy Holyoke
Achoo! Good Manners Can Be Contagious! by Mij Kelly
Be Polite and Kind by Cheri J. Meiners
Bears Always Share: A Book About Manners by Barbara Shook Hazen
Do Unto Otters: A Book About Manners by Laurie Keller
Emily’s Everyday Manners by Peggy Post & Cindy Post Senning
Everyday Graces: A Child’s Book of Good Manners by Karen Santorum
Excuse Me!: A Little Book of Manners by Karen Katz
How Rude!: The Teenagers' Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out by Alex J. Packer
Lady Lupin’s Book of Etiquette by Babette Cole
Little Book on Manners by Karen Katz
Manners by Shelly Nielsen
May I Please Have a Cookie? by Jennifer E. Morris
Mind Your Manners, Ben Bunny by Mavis Smith
Monster Manners by Bethany Roberts
My Manners Matter by Pat Thomas
Oh, How Sylvester Can Pester!: And Other Poems More or Less About Manners by Robert Kinerk
OOPS! The Manners Guide for Girls from American Girl Library
Please Is a Good Word to Say by Barbara Joosse
The Bad Good Manners Book by Babette Cole
The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners
The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog! by Mo Willems
We Love the Company: A Story about Table Manners by Angela Russ-Ayon
What Do You Do, Dear? By Sesyle Joslin
Whoopi’s Big Book of Manners by Whoopi Goldberg
Wyatt The Wonder Dog: Learns About Good Manners by Lynne Watts

365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games, Activities, & Other Fun Ways to Help Children Learn Etiquette by Sheryl Eberly
Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby
The Kids' (and parents', too!) Book of Good Sportsmanship: An easy-to-read guide for families by Leslie A. Susskind