Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.

DEUTERONOMY 6: 6-8

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How to Avoid the Hyper-Parenting Trap

As a generation, we are trying hard to be the best parents we possibly can. This daunting task is being made even more difficult because we Americans have unwittingly bought into the idea that an over-scheduled, frenetic, hyper-parenting child rearing style is the best way to raise children. Actually, rearing kids in this way has damaged our family lives and has harmed our children’s capacity to create and to be self-reliant. It also may also be contributing to the unusually large number of children diagnosed with ADD and depression, and adolescents who get involved with drugs, alcohol, and premature sex. I would be disingenuous to suggest a “just take it easy” philosophy to you. But as a hyper-parent in partial recovery -- on some days -- I think that our child rearing style often undermines the goals we cherish. It actually may be diminishing our children’s ability to reflect, introspect, and become thoughtful adults who feel that they are the authors of their own lives rather than frauds living a role in someone else’s script.

Read more at theparentreport.com

Source: Scholastic Parents
TM ® & © 2010-1996 Scholastic Inc. All Rights Reserved.

There may not be a "right" number of activities for every child, but ask yourself these questions to check if your child's getting enough downtime.

• Does he act grouchy, mopey, or irritable?
• Can she fall asleep at bedtime?
• Are his grades slipping? Does he finish his homework?
• Has she started overeating?
• Does he zone out in front of the TV?

Read more at scholastic.com

By Rebecca Gants
© 2010 eXtension. All rights reserved.

BLUE SPRINGS, Mo. – Adults often complain about the stresses of daily life in our fast-paced society, but children are not immune to the effects of an overscheduled lifestyle, said a University of Missouri Extension human development specialist.
Scheduling time at home for the family to relax and play together when there are no plans, no pushing and no hurrying is essential, said Lisa Wallace.

“Sports teams, art classes, computer classes and similar opportunities can enrich children’s lives, but they also can be stressors if they deprive kids of developmentally appropriate activities and play,” Wallace said. “What children learn through their play experiences builds the foundation for academic learning during the school year.”

Wallace offered a few tips to counteract over scheduling:

• Protect family time. Set aside dinner as non-negotiable family time. Plan a weekly game night or spend a weekend afternoon together. Family activities provide bonding, stability and security for your children.
• Talk with your child. Before enrolling your child in a new sport, class or event, ask a few questions: What is your favorite thing about this activity? Why do you want to be involved? What are you willing to give up in order to have time to participate? What do you wish you had more time to do? After the discussion, review the child’s answers to assess whether there is a true desire to participate.
• Carefully consider the value of sports. Like adults, many American children don’t get enough exercise. Participation in sports can provide important and positive experiences, but over-involvement and intense competition can be unnecessary stressors for children. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children should not focus on a single sport until they reach adolescence. Parents should make sure the child does not become overly obsessed with the sport.
• Encourage some do-nothing time. Children and parents need time that is unplanned and open for relaxation, thinking and talking. This time works best when there is no distraction from the television, computer or telephone.

“Many of us see early involvement as the way to give our kids a head start in a competitive world,” Wallace said. “When you find yourself drowning in carpools and a crowded calendar, you’re not alone. But be realistic about what is important. Really look at your family’s schedule, then ease up and scale back so your child isn’t overscheduled.”

By Jan Dehner
© 1999 - 2002 Siouxland Network. All Rights Reserved Siouxland Network.

With the roar of a softball game behind her, Karen Jaeger breathed a sigh of relief into the hot, muggy summer air over Riverside Park as she described how this summer's softball season was nearing its end for her two daughters.
Jaeger's daughter, 11-year-old Erica, is getting ready for a 9 p.m. ball game, the last of the season. She plays first base, and dad, Rick, is her coach. Erica, who starts sixth grade at Hoover Middle School this fall, combines softball with three seasons of soccer (on two different teams) Girl Scouts, school and church activities.
"It's just really hectic, running back and forth. One day I had two soccer games and two baseball games. I just go," said Erica, who began playing soccer in first grade, often on two different teams. This fall, she is giving soccer up. "I've been playing it for a long time, so I might not do it for a year, then go back next year, maybe. It's been busy, too busy."
With the exception of a weeklong church camp and a family vacation in late July, August should be relatively quiet for the Jaegers. But by Aug. 26, when the school year starts, a new cycle of activities will begin again for this family and many others like it.
This overactive family lifestyle has been called "hyper-parenting," a term coined by psychiatrist Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld in his book "The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap." In the book, Rosenfeld outlines what happens to the family unit when it tries too hard to over-enrich children, describing the state of perpetual motion both parents and children find themselves in today's busy world.
"The term 'hyper-parent' means that by controlling all our children's activities, they will become successful," said Rosenfeld from his office in New York. "Actually, it's more than a term, it's a way of life." That way of life is familiar to many Siouxland families.
And that could be bad, according to a study by the American Academy of Pediatrics. The study indicated that over-scheduling can lead to increased stress, anxiety and physical ailments.
So what's the average parent to do? While there's no clear-cut answer, there are ways for families to establish time together and to lighten their load.

Meeting Kids' Needs
Like a majority of families in America today, the Jaegers keep a steady calendar of family activities. Filled to the brim with hockey and soccer practices, camps, Scout meetings, church and volunteer activities, and music or dance lessons, today's family life often revolves around getting from one activity to another. It gets worse if those activities include club teams that regularly travel out of state several weekends each season. Meals are consumed in the car, if at all, and getting in touch with your kids becomes more a case of reaching them on the cell phone than having a heart to heart talk.
"Parents are so into making sure that kids have every opportunity in the world," said Beth Harms, vice president of family services at the Boys and Girls Home and Family Services in Sioux City. "Parents are trying to meet all their kids' needs, but while they are doing it, they lose quality."

Read more at hyper-parenting.com

Children’s books are primarily for entertainment and enjoyment. They can also be an important teaching tool for a parent and can lend themselves to good family discussions and the support of critical thinking. Occasionally, while reading to your child, look beyond just the pure enjoyment of the story to the possible lesson that could be learned. Questions that can be used for any story include:

1. If you were in this story, who would you be?
2. What is your favorite part of this story?
3. If you could change the story, what would you change?
4. What might a different ending be?
5. What do you think we should remember from this story?

One caution: do not over-engage the child into always having to think of the meaning. Some stories are to be read just for the joy of reading. If you are using it for discussion, only ask a few questions---about as many as the child is old.

Do you ever wish you had more time in a day? Of course, we all do. This month’s theme is about being too busy or over-scheduling our lives and our children’s lives. It’s important to take the time for rest and relaxation, to rejuvenate our body and our spirit. God knew how important that would be for His children and that is why he asks us to honor the Sabbath. Here are some books that may help you convey this concept to your child.

Mommy Is Today Sabbath? by Jaqueline Galloway-Blake stresses the importance of family time to re-energize for the coming week. The message is shared so that people of any culture can enjoy and relate to it. This interactive book will help your family slow down and take time to appreciate each other and perhaps generate a family discussion.

1. What do you think Sabbath means?
2. How do you think our family is like the one in the book? How are we different?
3. How might we celebrate the Sabbath?

There are several Berenstain Bear books by Stan and Jan Berenstain that touch on this month’s theme. The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Pressure really emphasizes the need to slow down. It even encourages a family meeting to highlight problem areas. Read this together and then talk about some ways your family is over-doing it and where you might adjust your schedules to allow for some down time.

1. Make a family schedule that everyone can see and then determine where it is out of balance.
2. Sometimes when we are too busy, how does that make us feel?
3. What gets left out when we are too busy?

There are several themes going in The Friend by Sarah Stewart which is a tribute to the special people “who have saved the lives of children by paying attention when others do not”. It’s a delightful story told in rhyme of a little girl named Belle that has a housekeeper, Bea, who is her constant companion because her parents are too busy. Bea teaches Belle the importance of work, play, and the Sabbath; but also the importance of loyalty and safety.

• What are some of the things Belle could do that you would like to do?
• If Belle did not have Bea, how do you think she would feel?
• Belle and Bea had a regular schedule of things to do. Would you like us to have a schedule? How could you help me? How could I help you?
• Belle and Bea had special ways to relax. What things could we do to relax?

• Don’t Grown-Ups Ever Have Fun? by Jamie Harper
• 
  In A Minute by Virginia Miller
• 
  Mommy, Is Today Sabbath? by Jaqueline Galloway-Blake
  
• No Time for Mother’s Day by Dorothy Donohue
  
  Nobody Here but Me by Judith Viorst
  
  
• The Berenstain Bears and the Homework Hassle by Stan and Jan Berenstain
  
• 
  The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Pressure by Stan and Jan Berenstain
  
  
• The Berenstain Bears and Too Much TV by Stan and Jan Berenstain
  
• 
  The Friend by Sarah Stewart
  
• 
  Who Has Time for Little Bear? by Ursel Scheffler

• • Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry by Lenore Skenazy
    
  • 
    The Hurried Child by David Elkind
    
    
    
  • The Over-Scheduled Child (Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap) by Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D. and Nicole Wise
    
    
  • Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting by Carl Honore

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