Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.

DEUTERONOMY 6: 6-8

By Carla Lowe
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Deciding to become a parent is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make in your life, but deciding between having two or three (or more) children and raising an only child is also enormous in its implications for your life and the life of your child. You may be thinking about raising a child for a myriad of reasons.

Perhaps you had your first baby in your late 30s or early 40s and you don’t want to take the risk of having another, or maybe you don’t want to put yourself through another pregnancy or labor and delivery. It could be a matter of a lack of finances or room in your home, and for some women, it’s an issue of secondary infertility and the inability to have another. Divorce, separations and break-ups sometimes create forced one-child-only (and single-parent) families, or maybe you and your partner are simply satisfied with one child.


The only-child mentality
Whether you have an only child out of desire or necessity, don’t think that there’s something wrong with having “just” one child. Although times have certainly changed in the past few decades, there are still well-meaning (or perhaps not-so-well-meaning) friends, relatives and strangers who like to keep asking you, “So when are you going to have another?” The common misconception is that families aren’t “complete” unless there are two or more children in the mix. Children without siblings are also given misguided and inaccurate stereotypes and labels. It doesn’t matter whether you’re unable to have more children or simply don’t want to have more—the question of when you’re going to continue reproducing is still awkward, and completely unwarranted and inappropriate. Plus, raising an only child can be an extremely rewarding experience for all involved. Raising only one child is perfectly acceptable, perfectly natural and perfectly normal. However, it’s important to keep in mind that raising an only child, while not inferior to raising more than one child, is not better, either. Some family experts who support only-child families like to point out that they are more likely to succeed and achieve greater things than their peers who have a sibling or two. They point out that Elvis Presley, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Leonardo Da Vinci, Carol Burnett, and Albert Einstein were all famous, all accomplished and all only children. However, when you raise an only child, it is neither better nor worse than having (whether by choice or not) two or more children in the family. It is different, and as a parent, you need to acknowledge that. Having only one child creates a whole different family dynamic than you will find in families of multiple children. Not only is the dynamic different, but the issues that crop up are completely different, as well. In fact, there’s a whole new set of challenges and rewards associated with raising an only child, and you need to be aware of this things.

Read more at lifescript.com

Posted by The Situationist Staff on August 19, 2007 on thesituationist.wordpress.com

Words like “selfish” and “self-absorbed” are commonly associated with only children. But are those stereotypes based on any evidence? And might only children actually be better off than those with siblings? JuJu Chang and Sara Holmberg of ABC News examine those questions in an article we have excerpted below.
* * *
The myth of the only child dates back to the late 1800s when G. Stanley Hall, known as the founder of child psychology, called being an only child “a disease in itself.”
Susan Newman, a social psychologist at Rutgers University and the author of “Parenting an Only Child,” says the myth has been perpetuated ever since. “People articulate that only children are spoiled, they’re aggressive, they’re bossy, they’re lonely, they’re maladjusted,” she said. “And the list goes on and on and on.”

But is there any science that makes the stereotype stick? “No,” Newman said. “There have been hundreds and hundreds of research studies that show that only children are no different from their peers.”

In order to find out for ourselves, “20/20″ gathered a group of onlies in New York and asked them whether they thought the stereotype is true.

While a battery of studies shows no difference with onlies when it comes to bossiness or acting spoiled, it turns out there is a significant difference when it comes to intelligence. A landmark 20-year study showed that increased one-on-one parenting produces higher education levels, higher test scores and higher levels of achievement.

What explains that apparent advantage? Newman says, “They have all their parents financial resources to get them extra lessons, to get them SAT training but more critical is the one-on-one time at the dinner table.”

Read more at thesituationist.wordpress.com

by Sandra J. Bailey, MSU Extension Family and Human Development Specialist

What is a Family? Families have always been diverse, but today we see more families who have experienced divorce and remarriage. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Here are some examples of
families.

• Marcie and her daughter, April, live with Marcie’s sister, Ann. Ann has two children. They are a family.

• Jerry’s son lives with Jerry’s former wife. Jerry and his son are a family.

• Jerome and Sarah married last year. Jerome’s children live with his former wife but Sarah’s children live with Jerome and Sarah. They are a family.

• Alice lives with her son and daughter. They are a family.

• Josh lives with his grandmother. They are a family.

Families are where children learn how to act in the world. Family members care for one another by providing love and support. Families provide for members’ basic needs such as food and shelter. They also provide financial support. All families have strengths. Knowing what makes families strong can help you and your family.

What do successful single-parent families look like?
Research shows that successful single-parent families have the following characteristics.

• Parents accept the challenges presented to them as single parents and they are determined to do their best.

• Single parents make parenting their first priority.

• Discipline is consistent and democratic. Parents are neither permissive nor too restrictive.

• Parents emphasize open communication and expression of feelings.

• Parents recognize the need to care for themselves.

• Parents develop or maintain traditions and rituals for their families.

• Parents become financially self-sufficient and independent.

• Parents move forward with their lives in a positive manner.

• Parents are successful in managing family time and activities.

Read more at msuextension.org

By Jennifer Wolf, About.com Guide to Single Parents

Raising your children on your own is an intensely personal and rewarding challenge. Like all parents, you will experience many ups and downs along the way as you develop and learn to trust your own parenting skills. Here, you will find parenting help on everything from communicating with your kids, to setting boundaries and limits, effective discipline practices, and having fun as a family.

1. Communication: Communication is key. The most important thing your kids need to know is that they are loved. In addition, realize that how you communicate with your kids - whether they're toddlers or teens - will deeply influence their level of cooperation, as well as the overall quality of your parent-child relationship.

2. Routines: One way to make your job easier is to establish regular routines with your children. This way, everyone knows what to expect at various times of the day, and each family member can contribute to the household in a meaningful way.

3. Setting Limits: Enforcing rules and setting limits is a necessary part of raising your children. In fact, you actually make it easier for your kids to listen to you and do what you ask of them when you make your expectations very clear from the beginning.

4. Child Care: As a single parent, it's inevitable that you're going to need to rely on outside sources of child care to assist you at times. Find out how to interview potential babysitters, prepare for emergencies, and know when to your children are ready to be left home alone.
5. Family Activities: Another important aspect of parenting is establishing and maintaining a strong connection with your kids, and one way to do that is to plan meaningful outings together that allow each of you to share your true selves and continue to bond as a family unit.

Read more at singleparents.about.com

Children’s books are primarily for entertainment and enjoyment. They can also be an important teaching tool for a parent and can lend themselves to good family discussions and the support of critical thinking. Occasionally, while reading to your child, look beyond just the pure enjoyment of the story to the possible lesson that could be learned. Questions that can be used for any story include:

1. If you were in this story, who would you be?
2. What is your favorite part of this story?
3. If you could change the story, what would you change?
4. What might a different ending be?
5. What do you think we should remember from this story?

One caution: do not over-engage the child into always having to think of the meaning. Some stories are to be read just for the joy of reading. If you are using it for discussion, only ask a few questions---about as many as the child is old.

We have two topics to choose from this month for family reading time:
the One-Child Family and the One-Parent Family. We have chosen a few books from each category for you to explore with your child.

The One-Child Family
When a child is the only child in a family, they sometimes wonder or fantasize about being part of a larger family. Little Bunny discovers that sometimes the grass is greener at home in Little Bunny’s Sleepless Night by Carol Roth. After trying to sleep at several friends’ homes, he longs for the peace and quiet of his own room.

Rosemary longs to be a sister in What’s So Bad About Being an Only Child? by Cari Best. She solves her need to have someone besides adults constantly fussing over her by adopting several pets. Another book following the same story line is Mabel One and Only by Margaret Muirhead. Mabel has a canine friend Jack and together they have some exciting excursions, fueled by a very creative imagination.

Questions for discussion:

1. Tell your fantasy about being an only child.
2. When you get lonely, what do you do?
3. What are some of the really good reasons to be an only child?
4. What are some of the really good reasons to have brothers and sisters?

The One-Parent Family
In Loon Summer by Barbara Santucci, Rainie learns what summer is like when she spends it alone with her father at their cottage for the first time without her mother along. Through observing the loons and new experiences with her father, she learns about unconditional love.

A Day with Dad by Bo Holmberg describes the special relationship a child can have with his father even if he doesn’t see him very often.

The book Fred Stays with Me by Nancy Coffelt, explores what it’s like to have two homes, two bedrooms, two separate worlds, but one dog that goes with her to both places. More importantly, she has two parents who love her very much even though they no longer live together as one family.

Questions for discussion:

1. What fun things do you like to do when you get to spend time with one of your parents?
2. How are you like the child in this story? How are you different?
3. What part of this story do you think is most important?
   
   

• A New Room for William by Sally Grindley

  • Charlie Anderson by Barbara Abercrombie
    
  • Missing Rabbit by Roni Schotter
    
    
  • Molly and her Dad by Jan Ormerod
  • 
    My Only Child, There’s No One Like You by Kevin Leman
  • 
    Only You by Rosemary Wells
  • 
    Standing on My Own Two Feet by Tamara Schmitz
  • 
    The Boys and Girls Book About One-parent Families by Richard A. Gardner
  • 
    Two Homes by Claire Masurel
  • 
    We’re Three: A Story About Families & The Only Child by Vivian Cameron-Gallo and Christina Simcic
  • 
    Why Am I an Only Child? by Jane Annunziata

Christian Family Activities for One-Parent Families by Bobbie Reed

Families Just Like Us: The One Parent Families Good Book Guide by National Council for One Parent Families

One on the Seesaw: The Ups and Downs of a Single-Parent Family by Carol Lynn Pearson

Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only by Susan Newman Ph.D.

Single Moms Single Dads: Help and Hope for the One Parent Family by David R. Miller

The Future of Your Only Child: How to Guide Your Child to a Happy and Successful Life by Carl E. Pickhardt Ph.D.

You and Your Only Child: The Joys, Myths, and Challenges of Raising an Only Child by Patricia Nachman and Andrea Thompson