Heartfelt - The LOGOS Ministry

May 2012 - Tough Talks with Children Series: Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.
DEUTERONOMY 6: 6-8

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People? A Christian Perspective

by Jack Wellman on November 20, 2011
Copyright © 2010-2012 What Christians Want To Know. All Rights Reserved.

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?
The first thing I could say about "good" people from a biblical perspective is that no one is really good but God. Even Jesus said to the young, rich ruler, in Matthew 19:17, "Why do you call me good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." Jesus plainly means that only God is good. Romans 3:10 shows that no humans are good but God alone, "As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one."

Now if we refine the question to why do bad things happen to Christians, then this makes it easier to find answers and obviously answers that make sense will be found in the Scriptures. There are storms that every Christian endures in this life. These can be said to be storms of correction, storms of perfection, storms of direction, storms of reflection, and storms affection. Let me explain

There are storms that every Christian endures in life.

Storms of Correction
Ecclesiastes 8:17 shows that many times we will not know why we are going through sufferings: "then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it." Further in Ecclesiastes 3:17, "I said to myself, "God will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be time for every activity, a time to judge every deed."

I would recommend all of Ecclesiastes chapter 8 for the "why" of suffering. In chapter 8 verse 6 it reads, "For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a person may be weighed down by misery." God is the perfect parent and as you will see in the subsection of "Storms of Affection", He corrects every son and daughter that He loves. No discipline is equal to no love. Where a parent corrects their child they show that they care about the child. When God corrects us, and He does every child of His, it is because He loves us.

Jesus rebuked most of the churches in Revelation (chapters 2 and 3) except the Philadelphia church.

In Ephesus they had forsaken their first love.
In Pergamum they needed to repent.
In Thyatira they had false prophets.
In Sardis they had fallen asleep.
In Laodicea they were lukewarm.
Jesus rebuked or corrected them but He did this in love and He was not going to forsake them despite their many imperfections.

Storms of Perfection
Hebrews 10:32-36 reveals that suffering or "bad things" yield in us great rewards for the future: "Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

Hebrews 5:7-9 shows that, "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him." Not that Jesus needed to learn obedience because He lived a sinless life, but we are being perfected in our sufferings.

First Peter 4:12-15 reveals the work of suffering, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing; so that also at the revelation of His glory, you may rejoice with exultation. If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you."

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Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

From a sermon by the Rev. Marek P. Zabriskie, Rector of St. Thomas' Episcopal Church, Fort Washington, Pennsylvania
www.stthomaswhitemarsh.org

Christians have wrestled with issues of pain and suffering for centuries. There is no ultimate answer that will satisfy us. When a tragedy occurs, we are filled with many questions. We ask, "Why was my loved one hurt? Where was God when this occurred? Can there be a God, if this kind of things is allowed to happen? Why does evil exist?"

Though we may utter such questions, we are not seeking an analytical explanation. What we want is not an answer, but a direction in which to move forward as we seek to cope and rebuild our lives. We need hugs, tears and moments of laughter, friends and family to listen, bring food and flowers, sit in silence and offer comfort. We need time, lots and lots of time to comprehend the scope of our loss and reinvent our life as we move through stages of shock, disbelief, denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance.

Jesus said, "I came that you might have life and have it abundantly." When tragedy hits, we feel completely disconnected from abundant life. We are also faced with choices. We can turn to God and say, "Fix it," and we are likely to be disappointed, or we can turn to God and say, "God, I am deeply in pain and need your help to heal. Please help me to transform my suffering into something productive and make something good to come from this tragedy." I assure you that God will always respond to these prayers.

But if we choose to blame God, we are likely to become mired down in anger, hatred, confusion and pain, and we will cut ourselves off from our ultimate source of comfort, strength and wisdom when we most need it.

The Bible does not simplify the problem of evil and pain. Rather it tells stories about people who have suffered, struggled and been healed. God does not spare them from suffering, but God transforms them in the midst of their pain and sorrow. We have only to look at the story of Jesus to realize that God did not spare His own Son from suffering and death, but God took the worst thing that humanity could do to his Son and used love to transform this tragedy of tragedies into something life-giving and filled with hope.

There once was a boy, who made a gift for his parents in his art class at school. He created a small bird with wings, a head and a tail. He glazed it blue and baked it in a kiln. He could hardly wait to show it to his parents. The next day, when they arrived to pick him up and take him to an event, he clutched his clay bird and ran to their car. In his excitement he fell, and the small bird flew in the air, hit the pavement and broke into tiny pieces. The boy burst into tears.

His father picked him up, began to dust off his son and said, "Come on. We're late. Don't worry about this. You can always make another." But his mother got down on her knees, and she held her sobbing son for the longest time. Then she took off her scarf and gathered the broken pieces one by one and carefully laid them in her scarf and collected them. Then she turned to her son and said, "Let's go home and see what we can make of this."

That's how God reacts when our lives are shattered by tragedy. God does not inflict pain or impose our sorrow. When we are hurt, God is always the first to shed a tear. God's heart is the first heart to break. God, the great alchemist from above, enters our lives and helps us to pick up the broken pieces to see what we can make of them. If we are willing to partner with God, God can transform our tragedies and our wounds into signs of hope and insure that something good and something hopeful comes from them.

Family Book Club: Read Together and Talk

Children's books are primarily for entertainment and enjoyment. They can also be an important teaching tool for a parent and can lend themselves to good family discussions and the support of critical thinking. Occasionally, while reading to your child, look beyond just the pure enjoyment of the story to the possible lesson that could be learned. Questions that can be used for any story include:

· If you were in this story, who would you be?
· What is your favorite part of this story?
· If you could change the story, what would you change?
· What might a different ending be?
· What do you think we should remember from this story?

One caution: do not over-engage the child into always having to think of the meaning. Some stories are to be read just for the joy of reading. If you are using it for discussion, only ask a few questions---about as many as the child is old.

Our subject for the month of May is the next in the series called "Tough Talks with Children." This month, we focus on "Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?"

Don't we all wish we knew the answer to this question? As we continue our series on helping children cope with loss, this is probably the most difficult topic to find appropriate books for children. And even as Christians we have a very difficult time answering the age old questions that come with it: "Why did a loving God create a universe where bad things can happen?" or "Why doesn't God make the hurt go away?"

If your family is going through a difficult situation and you are searching for help, pray often, and seek guidance and comfort from God who promises to be with us and to carry us through our pain. Books on the topic may also be of great help as you try to sort these feelings out for your family. A few are listed in the parent's resource list.

"Bad things" can include a number of problems children face. It can be as simple as a boo-boo or the loss of a toy, to the loss of a pet, friend, or a dearly loved family member. It can be Mommy or Daddy has to go far away on a business trip or perhaps even to fight in a war. Perhaps your child is facing difficulty in school or being bullied. These are all bad things that cause distress. The important thing is that you find avenues for conversation with your child on these issues. Helping a child to express their feelings can be very healing. The books chosen here may not directly apply to your situation, but you will be able to adapt them to get at feelings.

One such book is The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. It is written to help the very young child who is experiencing separation anxiety. But sometimes in situations of loss, the simple comforting knowledge of having the "kissed hand" with your child at all times, will soften the hurt and worry.

Another book is A Terrible Thing Happened: A Story for Children Who have Witnessed Violence or Trauma by Margaret M. Holmes. Don't let the title scare you away from using it. Sherman Smith, a little raccoon sees a "terrible thing", which never gets described in the book. Your child's "terrible thing" may not even been seen, but just felt. The book will help your child express his or her feelings so that they are not repressed. Sherman works through his feelings by play therapy and drawing pictures of his feelings. While these books do not answer the question "Why do bad things happen?" they will help your child know that they can talk to you about it, and get comfort from knowing that you care, too. Perhaps just knowing that they can hold a "kissed hand" to their cheek or come for hugs when needed will take away their fears.

Children, actually all of us, also need to know that it is still acceptable to laugh even though we are in the midst of sadness. The loss of laughter is covered in The Jester Has Lost His Jingle by David Saltzman. This delightful picture book, told in rhyme, will capture the imagination of the young child as well as all of us. The Jester's job is to cheer people up, but he is finding it to be rather difficult as he encounters many people in sad circumstances. He finally gets a young girl who has a tumor to find her sense of humor. In his search for laughter he finds that it is hiding inside all of us and that it can be contagious. The young man who wrote and illustrated this book was terminally ill, but as he describes it, the Jester helped him discover "how silly and scary and wonderful this world of ours is." Be sure to read the author's notes and commentary, it is inspiring.

Discussion for any of the books above:
1. Why were some of the people sad in the story? What makes you sad?
2. Help your child to realize that even though there is sadness, it doesn't have to be with us all of the time and it is still okay to smile. Ask: How can we help each other smile?
3. Who do you need hugs from to help you feel better?
4. Invite your child to draw a picture describing his/her feelings.

Tried and True Job by Tim Shoemaker is the story of Job. This book is an Arch book written for a child in the lower elementary grades. Help your child to understand that even though one thing bad after another happens to Job, God is in control. Job has hope and knows that God can make good things happen from bad things. While discussing this rather hard to understand book in the Bible, help your child to realize that Job remained faithful and was rewarded and that knowing God loves us in both good and bad times can give us a hopeful attitude.

Discussion questions might include:
1. How do both good and bad times help shape our life?
2. Sometimes both good and bad times can work together. Give examples in your own life to help your child understand this concept.
3. Do you think Job's friends were helpful?
4. In what ways can you put your trust in God?
5. What are your questions after reading this story? (If you as parent feel you cannot answer them, ask your pastor to help.)

What Did Jesus Say?: Bible Verses on Issues You Deal With by Diane Bay will help validate the feelings of both tweens and teens. Many issues are dealt with and it helps answer the "Why did God take my…?" This book may enable a healthy discussion with your child as it gives sound scriptural references for many issues with which they are faced. For example, if the issue is the death of a friend, your child can read about Jesus' own grief at the death of his friend Lazarus.

Your discussion might include:
1. What scriptures or bible stories are particularly helpful to you?
2. How has the Bible helped you face a difficult time?
3. How can Jesus be your friend?
4. How can I help you? Where else can you find help?