Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.

DEUTERONOMY 6: 6-8

www.parenting-ed.org

A family meeting is a structured discussion time that typically involves all members of a family. Family meetings should be regularly scheduled (for example once a week). Special meetings can be called to discuss an important issue that cannot wait until the next regularly scheduled meeting. Holding family meetings on a regular basis has many benefits for a family. First of all, family meetings help open lines of communication. Second, they help family members, especially children, learn to work and solve problems within a group.

Family meetings also allow children to have a say in their day-to-day life. Having input into decisions will help boost children's self-esteem, because they will feel heard and respected. Finally, children who take part in family meetings are given some responsibility for what goes on in their lives.

Family meetings work best with families whose children are school-aged or older. In families where there are younger children (infants and toddlers), it is probably a good idea to schedule meetings after they have gone to bed.

At first, it is usually best to keep family meetings short - about 15 minutes. As families get better at communication and decision-making, the meeting times can be lengthened.

What to Discuss at Family Meetings
Family meetings can be used to discuss and deal with a variety of issues including family problems, to plan family activities, to discuss chores, and to discuss good things that have happened. Parents should be careful not to dominate the conversation. Every family member should be given a chance to express his or her views.

Location
The best place to hold family meetings is in a place where there are few distractions. For example, it is probably not a good idea to hold family meetings in the living room with the television on. One good place to hold family meetings is around the kitchen or dining room table (after the dishes have been cleared). It is not a good idea to hold family meetings during mealtime.

Prepared by Andrew Behnke,Assistant Professor and Extension Specialist, North Carolina State University

Most people want a healthy and united family. But how does a parent go about making a family strong? Research points to the importance of communication and commitment within the family. One of the best ways to foster open communication and commitment is by making time for family meetings.

What are family meetings?
Family meetings are time set aside to promote healthy communication, make decisions, solve problems, and encourage strong family relationships. There are two basic types of family meetings: scheduled and informal.

What is the purpose of a scheduled family meeting?
A scheduled meeting provides an opportunity to get together and discuss family issues in a clear and organized manner. These meetings are sometimes called family councils, because the whole family comes together to talk about an issue that affects every member: Who’s going to do what chore? What should we do during vacation this summer?
How are we going to help Grandpa, now that he needs our support? The entire family works together to answer such questions.

Family meetings should include an open dialogue, allowing everyone to express his or her opinions and respond sensitively to one another. Interrupting, criticizing, and correcting should not be allowed. Openly discussing an issue together shows that everyone’s opinion is valued and that the family is a team.

To be successful, organized meetings should be short and well planned. Share responsibility for planning and conducting the family meeting. Find ways that even young children can help.

You may want to develop a simple written agenda or chart describing what will be covered at the meeting. Parts of this agenda might include the weekly calendar, future plans, family issues or problems, or refreshments. Keep track of the decisions made, and post the decisions as reminders.

A scheduled family meeting can also be an ideal place to deal with problems as they arise. Parents should not point fingers, but instead invite the entire family to brainstorm. When children are involved in the solution process, they are much more likely to comply with decisions. Rather than mandating or dictating what is to be done, parents should have some idea of a desired outcome and primarily listen and help guide their children toward an acceptable solution.

Read more at www.ces.ncsu.edu

By Denise Oliveri

Family meetings can be used for a variety purposes from talking about major issues to just having a time for the members of your family to reconnect.

Families that have never taken the time to have regular family meetings may balk at the idea. They feel that there is no time for such a meeting or that parents should have the final say in decision-making. Family meetings can be so much more. When you take the time to talk things over with your family, you will all feel better connected, and you will soon find that cooperation within the family will soar. Here is a look at how to conduct a family meeting, what to talk about and what you will accomplish.

Starting a Family Meeting
The most important aspects of a family meeting are to make sure that you start when your children are young and to have the meetings regularly. This means children that are old enough to sit still, listen, and communicate ideas are ready for family meetings. You will also want to have them on a regular basis. Some families prefer to sit down once a week for a short prayer and time to catch up with each other. Others prefer to have a longer family meeting once a month. Make it a regular event and put the date on the calendar.

Read more at christian-parenting.suite101.com

by Deb Gebeke, Family Science Specialist and Kim Bushaw, Parent Line Program Specialist; North Dakota State University Agriculture and University Extension [Used with permission]

The factor most likely responsible for whether we have a happy and satisfying family life is how we communicate with each other. Do we feel we are heard and understood by our spouse and our children? Is the whole family involved in problem solving and decision making together? Do we tell each other what's on our mind? Do we listen?

One of the best methods for promoting positive family communication is to hold family meetings.

What is a Family Meeting?

• • Family meetings are time set aside to promote meaningful communication and to provide for family discussion, decision making, problem solving, encouragement and cooperation.
• • Family meetings can be structured and rather formal or flexible and informal.
• • At family meetings, everyone has a part and something to contribute. No one is less important than another, and family members contribute according to their age and ability.

Who Benefits from Family Meetings? EVERYONE!
All families can benefit from family meetings whether they are stepfamilies, dual-career, single-parent, intergenerational or traditional. Family meetings are an excellent way to practice problem-solving skills, promote communication and build family unity. When a particular plan is discussed and mutually agreed on in a family meeting, everyone -- even the youngest child -- feels a sense of "ownership" and thus is more likely to go along with the plan. Also, children are able to see their family working together as a group. They experience feeling stronger and smarter in a group.

Regularly scheduled meetings might deal with daily decisions such as who will drive the kids to sports practice or how chores are to be distributed. A one-time meeting might be called for a specific purpose, like planning a vacation, holiday party or family project; solving a problem, such as how to make Grandma's moving in more comfortable for everyone; or clearing the air after a crisis or squabble.

At times meetings may cover major issues such as setting new family goals or developing a plan of action for handling a drop in family income. At other times a meeting may be called for minor issues, such as deciding what color to paint the house.

How Do We Get Started?
The process is easier to initiate if meetings begin when children are young (age 4 to 5). Teens and school-age children tend to be more negative about new activities.

There may be negative reactions and resistance at first, but most children come to value the process once they understand it's a time to air concerns, discuss possible solutions and share positive moments.

Simply make a decision to start, have a plan of action for what will be said or done, pick a date and go for it!

Read more at ag.ndsu.edu

Children’s books are primarily for entertainment and enjoyment.  They can also be an important teaching tool for a parent and can lend themselves to good family discussions and the support of critical thinking.  Occasionally, while reading to your child, look beyond just the pure enjoyment of the story to the possible lesson that could be learned.  Questions that can be used for any story include:

1. If you were in this story, who would you be?
2. What is your favorite part of this story?
3. If you could change the story, what would you change?
4. What might a different ending be?
5. What do you think we should remember from this story?

One caution: do not over-engage the child into always having to think of the meaning.  Some stories are to be read just for the joy of reading.  If you are using it for discussion, only ask a few questions---about as many as the child is old.

Time spent together as a family creates unity, helps to shape our lives, and can give us wonderful family memories.  Through family meetings, we can give love and support to each other, plan special events, resolve conflict, review expectations, and have fun together.  No matter what the agenda, it’s a good time to develop effective communication skills, to learn to cooperate, and to make sure everyone has a voice. 

Our Family Meeting Book: Fun and Easy ways to Manage Time, Build Communication, and Share Responsibility Week by Week by Elaine Hightower shares a format and great discussion ideas for family meetings:

1. What would you like to discuss at our family meeting?
2. What do you like about family meetings?
3. What responsibilities do you think you could handle?

Harriet Ziefert shares simple everyday family activities in  her book Families Have Together.   Young children will delight in the rhyming style and perhaps find ways your family is like the one in the book: 

1. Describe ways our family is like the one in this story.
2. What fun things did they do that you would like to see us do?
3. Could we describe some of the things we do in rhyme?

Joy Berry has several books in her early social skills series of books that pre-K and elementary age children can relate to.  There are eight books in the “Let’s Talk About…” series.  This series includes Needing Attention, Accepting No,  Being Patient, Being Fair, Playing with Others, Being Good, Being Helpful, and Saying No.  These are simple stories told through the eyes of a family pet in cartoon format about everyday situations within families. All of these books could be helpful in dealing with certain topics during a family meeting.  They help children identify their feelings and determine better ways of handling situations --- and may be a good jumping off point for family discussions:

1. What should we talk about in our next family meeting?
2. What are some of the suggestions in the book that could be helpful to you?
3. If our pet could write about us, what do you think he would say?

Relatively Speaking – Poems about Family by Ralph Fletcher will appeal to upper elementary-age children.  The author shares delightful poems from the perspective of an eleven-year-old.  Readers will recognize their own family in some of these poems and perhaps want to try creating their own poetry;

1. Which poems seem to be describing our family?
2. Spend some time together writing simple, fun and positive poems about each person in your family.

A good learning experience for the whole family could be planning a family night learning about families who are different than yours.  You could even plan your evening meal to include foods from that particular area of the world.  A good resource is Families Around the World, One Kid at a Time by Uwe Ommer.  Locate the country on a globe or map and do some additional research at the library or on the computer.

• If we could live anywhere in the world, what place would you choose?  Where in the world would you like to visit?
• How is our family like the family we researched?  How are we different?

• Character Building with the Family Meeting Diary by Jean Tracy
  
• 
  Every Kids Guide to Handling Fights with Brothers or Sisters by Joy Berry
  
  
• Families Around the World, One Kid at a Time by Uwe Ommer
  
  
• Families Have Together by Harriet Ziefert
  
  
• Let’s Talk About Accepting No by Joy Berry
  
  
• Let’s Talk About Being Fair by Joy Berry
  
• 
  Let’s Talk About Being Helpful by Joy Berry
• 
  Let’s Talk About Being Patient by Joy Berry
• 
  Let’s Talk About Needing Attention by Joy Berry
• 
  Let’s Talk About Playing With Others by Joy Berry
• 
  Let’s Talk About Saying No by Joy Berry
• 
  Oh, Brother…Oh, Sister! by Brooks Whitney
• 
  Relatively Speaking – Poems About Family by Ralph Fletcher
• 
  Taking Care of Mama by Mitra Modarressi
• 
  We Can Work it Out: Conflict Resolution for Children by Barbara K. Polland, Ph.D.
• 
  Working With Others by Robin Nelson

• Our Family Meeting Book: Fun and Easy ways to Manage Time, Build Communication, and Share Responsibility Week by Week by Elaine Hightower
  
• Radical Family Workbook and Activity Journal for Parents, Kids and Teens by Vanessa Van Petten

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