Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.
DEUTERONOMY 6: 6-8

www.aarp.org [Copyright 1995-2009. AARP]

Family life taps our deepest emotions. It's not surprising, then, that conflicts can arise as tiny but very demanding infants join the family circle. After all, we all have egos, opinions, values and goals of our own. We all want a sense of belonging, to be treated well, to get our share of attention. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, in-laws and older siblings must adjust to new roles when a child joins the family.

As grandparents we may feel some loss as our position in our family changes. As much as we welcome our new grandchildren, we find ourselves seeing and talking with our own children less when they become parents. They now have major and very distracting responsibilities. In-laws and other grandparents are in the mix, and often step-grandparents and step-parents add to the family circle. Adding to sometimes difficult moments, ex-spouses find themselves together again, sharing time with grandchildren.

We all have to fit in, to get along if possible. Sometimes it's a struggle. No wonder tensions arise in even the calmest and closest families.

Grandparents may also feel confused about their roles. We are no longer in charge. We have to step back, let our children make the decisions, for themselves and for our grandchildren. Our own wishes may have to be put aside at times.

And we are still fathers and mothers ourselves. Kathryn and Alan Zullo, authors of "The Nanas and the Papas, a Boomers' Guide to Grandparenting," remind us that "though we know we must let go of the reins to our adult children, they are still our children. Forever. It doesn't matter how old any of us are."

Read more at aarp.org

www.proudgrandparents.co.uk

Becoming a grandparent is one of life’s biggest blessings, but entering this stage of life does not give one license to interfere with the parent’s decisions or madly spoil the children; most parents appreciate and expect their parents to abide by sensible boundaries when it comes to the grandchildren.
Establishing an open line of communication with new parents can help grandparents to develop deep bonds with the children without causing family discord by offending their grown children.

Adjusting to Changing Roles

By the time that they are grandparents, most people have grown accustomed to being in charge, so it can be difficult to suddenly take a back seat to the decisions that other people are making. When it comes to all matters concerning their grandchildren, however, grandparents need to do just that.
It can take a bit of time for new grandparents to fully accept the idea that they are no longer the highest authorities, but coming to such a conclusion can do wonders to keep family relationships harmonious. Smart grandparents begin practicing constraint even before their first grandchild is born by allowing their grown children to make decisions regarding everything from baby names to nursery décor without offering unsolicited opinions.

Read more at proudgrandparents.co.uk

By Kori Rodley Irons

The dance between parents, grandparents and children can be complicated anyway, but add in the single parent situation and things can get messy. We might be estranged from out children's "other" grandparents, there may be step-grandparents thrown into the mix, or we may have had to rely on grandparents to help us through a tough transitional time. All of this can make setting healthy boundaries with grandparents as a single parent, a huge challenge.

Read more at single-parenting.families.com

By Sarah Beldo

Although the economic downturn is stretching the finances of many American families, there are some bright spots when it comes to families and relationships. For example, some grandparents are reporting that they now have a greater opportunity to spend time with their grandchildren—because they are being asked to babysit more often.

Read more at www.guideposts.com

By Veronica Scott

Parents are not issued an instruction manual to guide them on their journey. They must fumble through each and every day and do the best they can to care for, love and guide the little lives they've been entrusted with. Grandparents, too, often find they must fly by the seat of their pants to develop a relationship that is strong, lasting and truly special. Grandparents, however, do have a leg up on the wonderful, rewarding task at hand. They bring experience to the relationship.

So, how can grandparents make sure a strong bond is formed without running the risk of stepping on their own children's toes along the way? There are some fantastic ideas that can assist to help make this most rewarding task pay off for the benefit of the children and grandchildren both. These ideas can help you on your journey to become the best grandparent you can be:

Remember your boundaries - Grandparents bring experience, wisdom and knowledge to the relationship, but they are not the parents of the little ones in question. Remember the rules of the road your children set for their own children and respect their decisions. While you can still guide your children and offer advice, do keep the boundaries in mind. This will simply make for a much more enjoyable relationship with your children and your grandchildren, too.

Read more at www.articlesbase.com

www.itsamomsworld.com

While becoming a parent figures very large in your life, it figures large in the life of your parents as well. Becoming a grandparent is a very important milestone by anyone's measure. Of course, just as parenting brings issues, grandparenting does, too.

As a parent, you may need advice, but a grandparent's advice can seem dated or may contradict the words of wisdom in your childcare library. You want your parents to be involved in your child's life but establishing boundaries without causing hurt feelings can be a challenge.

Holding Back

It's important, of course, for you to realize that your parents may also have concerns about holding back from holding forth on how you should care for your child. It can be very hard for the voice of experience to keep silent as you make the inevitable mistakes of inexperience. Be sensitive to your parents' desire to be involved.

Try to offer guidelines for grandparents in a tactful way, letting them know how they can help. Thank them when they act according to your wishes. Show them that you appreciate their presence in your child's life. Keeping the lines of communication open between new parents and new grandparents fosters the right sort of atmosphere in which deep bonds can be formed and where an antagonistic environment is avoided between adult children and their parents.

Read more at www.itsamomsworld.com

By A-Better-Child.org

Parents look for certain qualities in a good babysitter. Some of these include:

1. Have good health: Your overall health is important. If you have a cold or other contagious disease, do not accept a babysitting job.
   
   
2. Be dependable & responsible: Dependability is a must. Notify parents immediately if you will not be able to take a job so they can find another qualified person in time. You are responsible for the child's health and safety.
   
   
3. Love children: The best babysitters usually understand and love children. Children tend to know whether you like them or not.
   
   
4. Be self-confident: Children judge you as much by the way you look and act as by the words you say. Be sure of yourself.
   
   
5. Be mature: You need to be levelheaded and act calmly in an emergency. You have to maintain authority and discipline.

Read more at www.a-better-child.org

By Don Schmitz, a well-known writer and speaker on parenting and grandparenting. He holds graduate degrees in Education, Administration, and Human Development

Building on the cherished and unique relationship between a grandparent and grandchild is a privilege that lasts a lifetime. As your grandchildren grow and mature, the role that you as a grandparent play in their lives changes but the principals remain true at any age. There's a magical bond between grandparent and grandchild like no other!

Here are five tips to help both grandparent and grandchild get the most out of the relationship:

1.   Discrete boundaries are essential for control and safety. All children need and have to learn to respect the boundaries that have been established by both parents and grandparent. Being clear about your expectations before an activity begins frees both you and your grandchildren to enjoy the event and ensures the safety of everyone involved. If you notice that the boundaries are being crossed, don't be afraid to remind your grandchildren again. Don't be afraid to restate the rules as many times as you need to. Writing the rules down and posting them (and bringing them along) is a good idea. If a rule is broken during the activity, ask the grandchild to repeat or read the rules again.  


2.   Gift giving is not a requirement of proper grandparenting. Establish a practice with your first grandchild and stick with it. Of course, what you do for one grandchild doesn't necessarily have to be done for all of your grandchildren. Financial and family situations evolve as our grandchildren grow. If your family experiences the loss of a job or divorce, don't be afraid to make temporary changes. Remember, gifts are gifts, especially when they are unexpected. Of course, surprise gifts are always the best. And your gifts don't have to cost a lot of money. Research supports the premise that "time together" is the best gift we can give our grandchildren. Traveling is valuable for providing time for the grandparent and grandchildren to discover and appreciate each other's special gifts.

Read more at rlrouse.com

By A-Better-Child.org

For some the process of finding a qualified babysitter is a no brainer. However, in this day and time you can not be too careful. A babysitter who is not totally qualified could be a real disaster. The Red Cross, in most cities, provides courses that can help babysitters learn what to do in many emergency situations. In the process of looking for a qualified babysitter you will want to be sure if an emergency arises they would know what to do and would not panic. If your babysitter were to panic in an emergency it could mean the death of your child.

If you are expecting and not due for several months, this is the perfect time to start looking for a sitter. This way you don't have to stress out because you waited until the child is born. Always go through dozens of candidates and choose maybe a dozen to interview a second time. Then you have a better idea of the four to six you will want to really grill about your wants and needs for your child’s care.

The information and websites below will only give you the basics of finding the most qualified babysitter for you. Do your homework and research all the information you can on what to do and what to ask, before you settle on a babysitter. It is also advisable to have at least three or four babysitters on your list. This will help relieve any problems just in case your main sitter cannot work.

As your search this page, remember it can be a pain in the neck and take a long time to find the right babysitter for you and your child. But, if you cut corners in your searching, your child may be the one who pays for it.

How to Choose a Babysitter

Finding a qualified babysitter that you and your child are comfortable with can be a challenge and will take some time. It is a relationship like any other that starts slowly as you get to know one another and then builds to a trusted, dependable and comfortable relationship.

Read more at www.a-better-child.org

 

By Robin McClure, About.com

Finding any babysitter can be a challenge for many parents, but being comfortable with and confident that the one you've picked selected will keep your kids safe and happy can be somewhat unnerving. Here are some warning signs that hired a bad babysitter, and need to find someone else pronto!

Doesn't Engage in Conversation with Parent

It's not too much to expect for a sitter to greet parents, smile and engage in some small talk. He/she should ask about the kids, wish you a good time, and converse long enough to make you feel comfortable. Be concerned if the sitter doesn't do the same with the kids either; that bodes a major disconnect that could signal a strong lack of communication all-around.

Doesn't Seem to Care or Focus on Instructions Provided

A good sitter should note instructions you're providing and acknowledge a thorough understanding. If you're telling the sitter that kids must have a bath and be in bed at a certain time, and she is going "yeah, right, whatever" or doesn't seem to be paying attention to anything you're saying, you should worry about any follow-through occurring. Parents can help avoid this by providing written instructions; however, a quality sitter will take notes or be able to recite the information back.

Arrives Late or is Frequently Unreliable

Family emergencies or the unavoidable can certainly happen, but a chronically late or consistently canceling babysitter can create a huge hardship on parents and destroy best-laid plans. If your sitter doesn't care enough about the job to arrive on time and be sensitive of your plans, then find one who will! The same is true of a sitter who tells parents as they are getting ready to dash out the door that they must be home at a designated time that is different from what had been agreed to.

Read more: childcare.about.com

By Robin McClure, About.com

It's hard enough to find a babysitter, so how do you know when you've located the "best?" Here are signs that the babysitter you've hired to watch your kids is a true jewel!

Exhibits an Engaging, Positive Personality

Does your babysitter effuse warmth and friendliness? Is she positive, accepting and seem eager to have the opportunity to care for your precious tots? An engaging personality with you is a good clue that she'll be vivacious and fun with your youngsters as well.

Asks Relevant Questions and Seems Anxious to Find Ways to Bond With, Please Kids

Your sitter gets an initial nod of approval if he/she asks a lot of questions beforehand or during the first couple of sessions. Understanding kids' likes/dislikes special preparation of food (even to whether they like their nuggets microwaved or baked) or sandwiches cute diagonally or straight, are good signs that the sitter truly wants to do a good job!

Delivers On Time Arrivals, Every Time!

Babysitting should be approached like a real job. That means an on-time arrival, so that parents can leave on time as well! While unavoidable emergencies can occur, oversleeping, running out of gas, not having transportation, or worst, "something came up," are not acceptable reasons for not meeting their part of the bargain. A great babysitter arrives as scheduled and ready for action!

Has Completed First-Aid/CPR Training and Other Classes

Many babysitters prepare to make themselves marketable to parents by willingly taking CPR/First-Aid and even early education classes to boot. Some community centers even offer babysitter training classes, usually geared toward teens, to help teach emergency response, tips for dealing with unruly kids, and easy meal management. If your sitter has initiated taking training, it's a good sign she will be passionate about doing a good job when hired!

Read more at childcare.about.com

by Amy Scholten, MPH

If you’re the parent of an infant, young child, or older child, chances are you will need a babysitter at some point. Perhaps you work outside the home, or maybe you just need to get away for an evening. Whatever your situation, you want to be sure your children are in good hands. A babysitter can be a big help, as long as you hire someone who is mature, experienced, capable, and who cares about the welfare of your children. Here are some tips on choosing a good babysitter.

Finding a Sitter

Your first challenge is recruiting a potential babysitter. Here are some ideas:

1. Start looking for a sitter early. If you wait until the last minute, you may not be as discriminating in your choice.
   
2. Ask family, friends, neighbors, or coworkers if they know of any good babysitters.
   
3. Advertise for a babysitter in your local church, civic organizations, high school, or newspaper.
   
4. Find certified babysitters in classes conducted by your local Red Cross or YMCA.
   
5. Check your phonebook for sitting services. Here are some things to keep in mind:

* Services with an insurance bond will cover certain damages or losses to your property; however, most are not likely to protect your children in any way.

* Check to see if the sitting service conducts criminal history checks and screens its employees.

Hiring a Sitter

Once you have a list of possible babysitters, you can begin the screening process: Check references carefully. Contac t previous employers, teachers, neighbors, and relatives and ask them about the candidate’s qualifications as a babysitter.

Read more at www.a-better-child.org

• 38 Ways to Entertain Your Grandparents by Dette Hunter and Deirdre Betteridge
• 
  A Week on Granddaddy's Farm: Millie visits her grandparents on their farm in West Virginia, A Children's Novel by Gail Popp
  
• Arthur's Mystery Babysitter by Marc Brown
• 
  Froggy's Best Babysitter by Jonathan London and Frank Remkiewicz
• 
  Grand Activities: More Than 150 Fabulous Fun Activities for Kids to Do With Their Grandparents by Shari Sasser
• 
  Grandparent Poems by John Micklos and Layne Johnson
• 
  Grandparents by Roser Capdevila and Anne-Laure Fournier Le Ray
• 
  Grandparents Song by Sheila Hamanaka
• 
  Hooray for Grandparents Day!  by Nancy Carlson
• 
  Little Donkey and the Baby-sitter by Rindert Kromhout and Annemarie van Haeringen
• 
  My Grandparents Are Secret Agents by Scott Christian Sava, Juan Saavedra Mourgues, and Christian Gonzalez Valdes
• 
  One Big Hug by Shirley Hillard
• 
  Spot Visits His Grandparents by Eric Hill
• 
  Staying With A Babysitter  by DK Publishing
• 
  That's What Grandparents Are For by Arlene Uslander and Freddie Levin
  
• 
  The Gifts of Being Grand by Marianne Richmond
• 
  The Grandpa Book by Todd Parr
• 
  The Little Big Book For Grandmothers by Lena Tabori and Alice Wong
• 
  The Ultimate Guide to Grandmas & Grandpas! by Sally Lloyd-Jones and Michael Emberley
• 
  What Grandmas Do Best What Grandpas Do Best by Laura Numeroff and Lynn Munsinger

• Babysitter's Business Kit: Be the Best Babysitter on the Block! (American Girl Library) by Harriet Brown and Jodi Preston
  
• 
  Boundaries [Participant's Guide Revised]: When To Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• 
  Funny, You Don't Look Like A Grandmother by Lois Wyse
• 
  Godly Grandparenting: A Christian Guide for Today's Families by Ben E. Dickerson and Derrel R. Watkins
• 
  Grandloving: Making Memories with Your Grandchildren, 4th Edition by Sue Johnson & Julie Carlson
• 
  Grandparenting With Love & Logic: Practical Solutions to Today's Grandparenting Challenges  by Jim Fay
• 
  Long-Distance Grandparenting: Connecting With Your Grandchildren from Afar by Willma Willis Gore
• 
  Parents and Grandparents as Spiritual Guides by Betty Shannon Cloyd
• 
  The Essential Grandparent: A Guide to Making a Difference by Dr. Lillian Carson
• 
  The Grandparent Guide : The Definitive Guide to Coping with the Challenges of Modern Grandparenting by Arthur Kornhaber
• 
  The Granny Diaries: An Insiders Guide for New Grandmothers by Lara and Storms
  
  

Children’s books are primarily for entertainment and enjoyment.  They can also be an important teaching tool for a parent and can lend themselves to good family discussions and the support of critical thinking.  Occasionally, while reading to your child, look beyond just the pure enjoyment of the story to the possible lesson that could be learned.  Questions that can be used for any story include:

If you were in this story, who would you be?

What is your favorite part of this story?

If you could change the story, what would you change?

What might a different ending be?

What do you think we should remember from this story?

One caution: do not over-engage the child into always having to think of the meaning.  Some stories are to be read just for the joy of reading.  If you are using it for discussion, only ask a few questions---about as many as the child is old.

Our Heartfelt August issue talks about grandparents and babysitters. We’ve taken a few books from the reading list and offer to you some questions to use when reading these books to your child.

Some families have lost their grandmas and grandpas due to death, divorce or other circumstances. This month we offer some books on how to talk to your children about the death of their grandparents.

1. Finding Grandpa Everywhere: A Young Child Discovers... by John Hodge
2. Papas Gift: An Inspirational Story of Love and Loss by Kathleen Long Bostrom and Guy Porfirio
3. Remembering My Grandparent: A Kid's Own Grief Workbook in the Christian Tradition by Nechama Liss-Levinson and Molly Phinney Baskette
4. Robert Lives With His Grandparents by Martha Whitmore Hickman and Tim Hinton
5. Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven: A Book About Grief by Maribeth Boelts
6. The Grandpa Tree by Mike Donahue
7. When Your Grandparent Dies: A Child's Guide to Good Grief by Victoria Ryan

Some stories may apply also to the loss due to other circumstances, and we suggest these reflection questions that can be used in any of theses circumstances:

What would you like me to tell you about your grandma or grandpa?

What do you remember about your grandma or grandpa?

If you could talk to grandma or grandpa today, what would you say?

What would you like your grandma or grandpa to know about you?

What do you think we should remember about grandma or grandpa?

Family Book Club: What Grandmas Do Best What Grandpas Do Best by Laura Numeroff and Lynn Munsinger

1. If you were in this story, who would you be?
2. What is your favorite part of this story?
3. If you could change the story, what would you change?
4. What might a different ending be?
5. What do you think we should remember from this story?

Family Book Club: Froggy's Best Babysitter by Jonathan London and Frank Remkiewicz

1. If you were in this story, who would you be?
2. What is your favorite part of this story?
3. If you could change the story, what would you change?
4. What might a different ending be?
5. What do you think we should remember from this story?