Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.

DEUTERONOMY 6: 6-8

 

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from set backs, to learn from failure, to be motivated by challenges and to believe in your own abilities to deal with the stress and difficulties in life. Resilience is critical for the overall well-being of children. Children who are resilient are:

• - less likely to become depressed
• - more likely to reach appropriate milestones
• - less likely to become helpless
• - more likely to persist in problem solving
• - willing to take risks

Read more at fishfulthinking.com

By Alexandra Delis-Abrams, Ph.D.

A resilient child becomes an adaptable, happy adult. Life demands that we adapt to change or struggle in our efforts to cope with depression, get back up when we fall--even adjust to a new home if we have to move. A key to loving relationships, substance abuse prevention, career success, and character development, resiliency is one of the best character traits we can teach our children.

Have you ever watched trees in a big windstorm? Some of them barely move, like a big Douglas fir. Still others sway under the pressure of the wind and can be seen bending to a near ninety-degree angle, like the aspen or the willow. If the wind gets too strong, which of these do you think will survive the storm without snapping? Resiliency is all about how we weather the storms of life, adapt to change, flex and bounce back after a fall, and cope with fluctuations in the journey of life.

Children who develop the ability to adapt to changes in life are, simply put, stronger children who will grow into adults with the ability to bend and flex with the conditions of life regardless of how challenging. Children who do not learn the character trait of resiliency, will have a difficult time adapting throughout their lives. But, how can we teach our children to become resilient rather than rigid individuals? How can we show them the merit of adapting and coping with challenges and change?

Read more at abcfeelings.com

1. My child leaves a favorite toy outside overnight. Though I’ve repeatedly reminded my child that the toy might "disappear" if left out, my reminders were not heeded. The next morning, the toy is gone and my child is crying. I would:

1. Tell my child, "I told you so."
2. Begin by empathizing with their unhappiness and saying, "I know you’re
   upset that the toy is gone.
3. Punish them.
4. Buy them another toy.

2. When my child disagrees with me, if often appears that her goal is to make me angry or seek revenge. She will scream and yell and tell me that I’m not a good mother. When this happens, I should:

1. Ignore her anger.
2. Punish her more severely so she learns how to behave appropriately more quickly.
3. Allow her to rant and rave until she runs out of steam.
4. Acknowledge her anger but not change my plan.

3. Which of these statements is true?

1. All children are basically the same when it comes to discipline and therefore discipline practices should be applied equally.
2. Changing my approach will spoil my child.
3. Our children should be more appreciative of our hard work and parental effort.
4. Just because a particular strategy worked with me when I was a child does not mean it will be effective with my child.

4. In problem situations between parents and a child, the initial responsibility for change falls upon:

1. Parents
2. The child
3. Both parties
4. The counselor

5. Which of the following will help children feel loved, special, and appreciated?

1. Creating traditions and special times with them.
2. Making certain to not miss significant events.
3. Accepting your children for who they are, not what you want them to be.
4. All of the above.

6. What’s is the best way to deal with mistakes:

1. Serve as a model for dealing with mistakes and setbacks.
2. Teach your children that mistakes are to be avoided.
3. Lower your expectations so that your children will never make mistakes.
4. Ignore them.

7. Your child tells you that he feels ugly and dumb. Your first response should be:

1. "But, you’re not ugly and dumb."
2. "I know you feel that way. I’m not certain why you do but maybe we can figure out what will help you feel better."
3. "If you keep feeling that way, no one will want to be with you."
4. "I really get upset when you say those things."

8. Which of these statements is true?

1. Spanking is one of the most effective consequences to develop self-discipline.
2. Children who are spanked more often have been found to become more cooperative with their peers.
3. Spanking as a form of punishment develops problem-solving skills in children.
4. Children who are spanked have been found to become more aggressive with other children.

9. When your children are successful at a task, you can reinforce a resilient mindset by saying:

1. "I’m glad I was here to help you since you would not have been able to do it on your own."
2. "It was great to see how you figured that out."
3. "Now that you see you can succeed, you shouldn’t make excuses for not trying something in the future."
4. All of the above.

10. At an early age it is important for parents to:

1. Provide opportunities for children to help others.
2. Involve them in making age-appropriate choices.
3. Use time-out as the main form of discipline.
4. All of the above.
5. a & b

Read more at: raisingresilientkids.com

By Michael Ungar, PhD

• - Relationships: Help kids make a strong connection with at least one caring adult or role model, other than a parent.
  
• - Control: There are lots of important decisions a child can make at every stage of his development. Encourage your child to make decisions that he can make, and experience the consequences without your interference.
• - Expectations: Expect your child to do her best, whatever that best is. Never let the child forget that there are people who care deeply about how well she does.
• - Identity: Find opportunities for your child to show others what makes him unique. Show your child how to take genuine compliments for his achievements with grace.


• Safety & Support: No matter how chaotic your child's life gets, remember that young people cope best when they feel safe, secure and certain about their next meal. Take advantage of dinner time to connect with your child and share something important with her about your life. Then ask her to share something important about hers with you.

Read more at psychologytoday.com

Children’s books are primarily for entertainment and enjoyment.  They can also be an important teaching tool for a parent and can lend themselves to good family discussions and the support of critical thinking.  Occasionally, while reading to your child, look beyond just the pure enjoyment of the story to the possible lesson that could be learned.  Questions that can be used for any story include:

1. If you were in this story, who would you be?
2. What is your favorite part of this story?
3. If you could change the story, what would you change?
4. What might a different ending be?
5. What do you think we should remember from this story?

One caution: do not over-engage the child into always having to think of the meaning.  Some stories are to be read just for the joy of reading.  If you are using it for discussion, only ask a few questions---about as many as the child is old.

Our topic this month is resiliency in children.  Some other words that could be used to describe resiliency are: flexible, tough, strong, quick to recover, hardy, durable, resistant.  

In Max Lucado’s You Are Special, Punchinello wonders why the other Wemmicks (wooden puppets) label him as not being worthy of star stickers.  Instead, he is given dot stickers indicating that he has flaws of some kind.  When he meets Lucia, a Wemmick who has neither stars nor dots, he is curious how this could be.  She sends him to the woodcarver (his creator) and he learns that the only opinion that matters is his creator’s.  We learn that God cherishes each of us, just the way we are.  This book has meaning for all age groups, but is especially appealing to young children and early elementary students.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. Why do you think the stickers do not stay stuck on Lucia?
2. If you were in this story, who would you be?
3. What word(s) would you use to describe Punchinello?  Lucia?
4. Is there anything in this story that you would change? Why?

Brave Irene by William Steig presents us with a young girl who has taken on the task of delivering the beautiful ball gown her mother just finished sewing.  Her mother is ill and cannot deliver it to the duchess at the palace for the ball to be held that very evening.  There is a terrible snow storm, but Irene is determined to complete the task.  She trudges on through unbelievable conditions on a wild and crazy journey and does, in deed, complete the task.  This book would appeal to elementary age children.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. Why do you think Irene never gave up?
2. What word(s) would you use to describe Irene?
3. How do you think Irene felt when she completed the task?
4. Think of a time when you had to do something that was really difficult.  How did you feel when you finished the task?

Sally Jean, the Bicycle Queen by Cari Best is a delightful story for early elementary children.  Sally Jean loves to ride her bicycle named Flash, but has a problem when she grows too big for Flash.  In this whimsical tale, she puts her knowledge of bicycles, and her ingenuity, to good use by assembling old bicycle parts and creating her very own bigger bike which she names Lightning.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. Do you like to ride bicycles?
2. What do you think Sally Jean liked about Lightning?
3. What would you name your bicycle?
4. How would you describe Sally Jean?
5. How are you like Sally Jean?

The Kids’ Guidebook – Great Advice to Help Kids Cope by Tova Navarra is an excellent resource book to have on hand.  It helps children know “what to do if…?”  There are all kinds of situations such as “what to do if…you get a splinter? or …the electricity goes out? or…someone wants you to lie?  This book is appropriate for elementary age children and fosters a sense of self-reliance.

• Amanda Pig on Her Own by Jean Van Leeuwen
• Amber Was Brave, Essie Was Smart by Vera B. Williams
• Andiamo, Weasel! by Rose Marie Grant
• Brave Georgie Goat by Denis Roche
• Brave Irene by William Steig
• Ernest and Elston by Laura T. Barnes
• Help Yourself (a C.D. for young children) by Cathy Fink & Marcy Marxer
• Just Call Me Joe Joe by Jean Alicia Elster
• Little Mo by Martin Waddell
• Rosey…the imperfect angel by Sandra Lee Peckinpah
• Sahara Special by Esme Raji Codell
• Sally Jean, the Bicycle Queen by Cari Best
• Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig
• The Day of the Bad Haircut by Eva Moore
• The Kids’ Guidebook – Great Advice to Help Kids Cope by Tova Navarra
• The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
• The Little Engine That Could by Doris Hauman
• The Little Red Hen by Jerry Pinkney
• The Paper Bag Princess by Robert N. Munsch
• Wild Things by Clay Carmichael
• Wow!  It Sure Is Good to Be You! by Cynthia Jabar
• You Are Special by Max Lucado